“BISAYA na BLOG”

***Kapoy english ug tagalog so magbisaya napod ko! pero sagulan ra nako ug english gamay para sayon sa akoa.. hehehe..

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I really don’t know why I feel so much hatred sa akong life… Is it because I had a very traumatic past? Is it because of the way na gipadako mi sa parents namo na constant na sige away?! Is it just because of the people around me?! Or is there a problem with me?! hmmmm.. I wonder why….

My friends say that I am so lucky. Wa man mi galisod kadtong nag.school pako. if naglisod man, at least wa man pod nagkulang ug hatag ang akong parents sa things na kailangan nako. Ana pod sila na I am gifted kay daghan kog talents/ nahibal-an and dali rapod ko makabalo sa things na gusto nako tun.an pareha anang in relation to computers, music, etc. Some say pod na suwerte ko maski gabinuang ko, dili pod always negative ang effect sa akoa..mmm.. murag true sad.. I remember the time nag-absent ko sa work for three days consecutive without notice pero kadtong nibalik ko nakadaog pakog price for my attendance, nakakuha pako ug compliment call which was escalated daun sa akong supervisor, I got a perfect score sa local na QA assessment and a perfect score pod sa QA score in Miami, FL. Nahitabo tanan in just one day.. There are a lot of cases sa akong life na makaingon pod ko suwerte ko (sa pangita ug work, salary, etc) pero why man jud na there are times na mafeel nako na murag something is missing jud… haay…

Naa pod ko uban mga friends nga thankful ko kay they stayed with me maski unsa ko kabuang buang, lucky pod ko kay naa pod koy uyab who stayed with me for 5 years and NEVER as in NEVERRRRRRRR jud siya nibiya nako maski pila nako ka times ni-ingon na biyaan ko para dili siya madamay sa akoa pagkatala tala. Patient kaayo siya sa akoa and he believes na someday marealize daw nako how blessed I am to have people na naglove and nagdawat sa akoa.. and most of all, blessed kay gihatagan kog maayong kinabuhi ni Lord..

Pero ambot uy.. I dont know why until now, iba jud akong nafeel.. I have all the things I need to face this world pero somehow may kulang.. This emptiness inside me stays with me wherever I go and no matter how hard I try na mawala ni, ambot ani uy kay makalimtan nako usahay pero mubalik raman japon..

Am I crazy? huh? (tsk…tsk…) Sometimes I blame my parents for what’s happening to me.. Kadtong bata pa mi and as early as 5 yrs old, there was never a day na dili sila mag-away.., there was never a day na dili sila magshagit… they’re constantly bickering over petty things… kwarta, negosyo, kwarta, negosyo, mga plano, decisions.. HALOS tanan nalang! Naabot pa sa point na hapit sila magpinusilay….and naabot pa sa point na magbulag na sila.. Now I believe na kung unsa imo ipakita sa imong anak at an early age can really affect jud sa bata psychologically…

Look at me now…. hahay.. sometimes I can’t help myself jud na masuko over some stupid things na pwede raman unta storyahan ug tarong… Sensitive kaayo ko when it comes sa reaction sa mga people.. sa actions sa mga pips… and oftentimes, mao ni ang reason why magpalayo ko and not mingle jud sa uban tawo unless close friends nako.. It takes a long time pod to earn my trust… 5 years na gani mi ni Vic but duha duha pako salig sa iyaha. But deep in my heart I know na he is a good man.. a very good man….

I pray na unta one of these days, God will enlighten me kung unsa jud iyang plan for me.. All these years, akong plano nalang akong gituman and wala jud ko nagseek sa guidance niya.. But now, I want to change… for the better… I know it is hard and it will take a long time pero at least kahit gradual lang, I know na eventually I’ll become the person God wants me to be. And siguro by that time, makit.an ra nako unsa jud tong missing sa akoa life. If makit-an nako ang missing piece, then that is when na mahibalo ko na I am TRULY HAPPY… (kanang tinud.anay na kalipay.. not based on what I achieved or what I have)…..

AS of now, I am contented with my life but I am still looking for that “?????” na maingon jud nako sa akong self na “Wala na koy kalagot sa kalibutan”… Free nako sa hatred and wala na ang emptiness na nafeel nako… Kanus-a paka mahitabo na no? Pero I think na if you are going to surrender everything to Him, you’ll feel “peace” sa imong paghuna huna…

So, I will leave everything to Him…